Catherine Fischer (copper9lives) wrote,
Catherine Fischer

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Evening walks

...are turning into evening introspection, time to myself to think about whatever I want. This evening, the lonely low drone of the wind still hummed through the power lines, accompanying the mourning call of the doves. My neighbor up the hill, for once, had locked up his dogs, making my stick unnecessary, my walk less wary. The Polynesia, sister ship to the Yankee Clipper (the ship I sailed on two weeks ago) is anchored off Basseterre; I drove past it wistfully a couple of times today, on my way to and from my mechanic's place (he finally found me a new air filter, and had the car inspected, so that I can renew the registration or "wheel tax" this month). I know some of my friends on the Clipper said they sometimes sailed on the Poly...*sigh*. I would the week had never ended. Too bad no one I know from the Clipper sailed on the Poly, and came calling!

The house they've been building up the hill for as long as I've been here is nearing completion; my new neighbors are fiddling around with the little details, in preparation for moving day. I asked my neighbor when he thought the house would be totally completed, and he answered that completed or not, he was moving in next weekend! I can understand his attitude; after 2 years, he's most certainly waited long enough.

Home, making dinner...Angel hair pasta. Arrrgh! The fact that I see reminders everywhere is REALLY starting to bug me, since I've told myself it's time to let it go. It's hard to convince myself to be something I'm not used to being! On the other hand, I heard from a friend I met at Harbin Hot Springs last year, who's been out of touch for a while -- that was a nice surprise to find in my in-box!

I've started to wonder at my need to cling to people; I'm happy by myself, with friends, doing my own thing...happy with the opportunity to enjoy flirtations, liaisons, being treated like a queen (which disappears quickly enough in a long-term relationship). Here I am, mere weeks after suffering such an egregious loss, and I feel happier than I have in a long time...perhaps I was never meant for Happily Ever After. Perhaps I should always have focussed on my own life, allowing others to wander in and out of it at will. I was happy that single year in San Francisco, too, although I missed the sex. Perhaps I'll give living my life this way a shot, and see how things turn out. The single life, after all, does tend to be more romantic and dashing than the married one. So much better to be pursued than to be caught.
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